actually i think i know what i want, and im not afraid to acknowledge it because there can be nothing more bloody obvious in my life.
i'm just afraid of letting go.it's been such a long time and ive adapted to a certain pattern of familiarity-expecting something, talking to certain people, being recognised for certain things...and then seeing that statement on the Friendster profile which will be taken off very soon, if i do what i want.i want it but im tired of being upset...and i'm sick right now, and the smallest thing could/can aggravate my health.
don't mind this double-talk.it has to do with love.
i'm only eighteen.i've been in three relationships, but i don't think i've found what i'd been looking for.i have to use the present tense out of respect for my current significant other.things have been going badly, and i don't quite think i should stay in something like this because it is more like an Indo-Pak war of egos than anything-IRONICALLY,anchovy ;) (directed to somebody who will NEVER read this blog) i mean i don't want to be in a relationship where i have to play hard-to-get to earn respect and be appreciated. where i get debilitating comments and remarks that destroy my self-esteem. where i feel like i'm the younger one, where i seem pathetic to the outside world, where i am seemingly deserving of everyone's pity due to the hardship i'm going thru and it just makes me feel like a fucking BABY.
love is like this.it hits you out of nowhere.it is crazy.and only the two of you understand each other. there is a bond that is impossible to break-however many fights you have or how you seem like Public Enemies No. 1 in front of people, the feeling is still there.and you CANNOT control it.seeing the person makes your day, makes you want to explode inside and not see him yet want to all the frigging time.it's what keeps you going and it can actually make you forget every last piece of bullshit complicating your day/night. yeah, i've been losing sleep.
when you hear that person tell you he loves you, it is insane. i am actually considering looking for The One..and i'm not upset at all about the fact that i need this level of commitment..because he's there and it's the only thing that makes sense in the whole scheme of things.i'm too scared to talk about it..it's still fragile and i need lots of reassurance..but i think that going through the shit we have for the past 2 1/2 years and seeing each other land darts everywhere except the bullseye (and the fact that we've been embroiled in every controversy you can think of) has sealed it. i don't know. i'm SO SCARED. because its all in my hands. i wish he was the one to make the decision-men can detach themselves a tad easier than women..just a TAD haha..i will need time..but i hope it comes through.
to those of you who've plowed through this double-talk and valiantly tried to understand, i salute you.wish me luck and pray for me-even if you don't know what its for.i'm going to need all the love i can get.luv peace and chicken grease-dhiv
i'm just afraid of letting go.it's been such a long time and ive adapted to a certain pattern of familiarity-expecting something, talking to certain people, being recognised for certain things...and then seeing that statement on the Friendster profile which will be taken off very soon, if i do what i want.i want it but im tired of being upset...and i'm sick right now, and the smallest thing could/can aggravate my health.
don't mind this double-talk.it has to do with love.
i'm only eighteen.i've been in three relationships, but i don't think i've found what i'd been looking for.i have to use the present tense out of respect for my current significant other.things have been going badly, and i don't quite think i should stay in something like this because it is more like an Indo-Pak war of egos than anything-IRONICALLY,anchovy ;) (directed to somebody who will NEVER read this blog) i mean i don't want to be in a relationship where i have to play hard-to-get to earn respect and be appreciated. where i get debilitating comments and remarks that destroy my self-esteem. where i feel like i'm the younger one, where i seem pathetic to the outside world, where i am seemingly deserving of everyone's pity due to the hardship i'm going thru and it just makes me feel like a fucking BABY.
love is like this.it hits you out of nowhere.it is crazy.and only the two of you understand each other. there is a bond that is impossible to break-however many fights you have or how you seem like Public Enemies No. 1 in front of people, the feeling is still there.and you CANNOT control it.seeing the person makes your day, makes you want to explode inside and not see him yet want to all the frigging time.it's what keeps you going and it can actually make you forget every last piece of bullshit complicating your day/night. yeah, i've been losing sleep.
when you hear that person tell you he loves you, it is insane. i am actually considering looking for The One..and i'm not upset at all about the fact that i need this level of commitment..because he's there and it's the only thing that makes sense in the whole scheme of things.i'm too scared to talk about it..it's still fragile and i need lots of reassurance..but i think that going through the shit we have for the past 2 1/2 years and seeing each other land darts everywhere except the bullseye (and the fact that we've been embroiled in every controversy you can think of) has sealed it. i don't know. i'm SO SCARED. because its all in my hands. i wish he was the one to make the decision-men can detach themselves a tad easier than women..just a TAD haha..i will need time..but i hope it comes through.
to those of you who've plowed through this double-talk and valiantly tried to understand, i salute you.wish me luck and pray for me-even if you don't know what its for.i'm going to need all the love i can get.luv peace and chicken grease-dhiv