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Thursday, January 20, 2005
i'm so deliriously happy.
life's too short to allow yourself to stick with something that just pulls you down.once you know you're not meant to be with someone, and that there is a chance for happiness elsewhere, you have to grab it. but it came in the most unlikely form, and yet it felt like the most natural thing to happen. like all i had to do was wait for the inevitable. the love is overwhelming, i feel so beautiful and complete. it's so TRUE-thats been paraphrased ;) and anyway i have to learn to let go...he helps...seeing him everyday will help me erase the memories and the material objects that can get my tears flowing. i have to give myself up to thinking entirely of only one person-yet i hesitate-is it my fault that we don't click? is it my fault that i cannot bear the pain of disrespect. inconsideration, mood swings and plain 'i-can't-give-a-fuck-sometimes'ness?
my lozenge is too hot la.burning my already burning throat.
my lips have been dry the past two days.of course, it only happens when he's near.i keep myself up at night dreaming and thinking and smiling and wondering-but i burst into tears when i think of the 7 months of memories. we fooled ourselves into thinking it was meant to be. ive been fooling myself for 2 1/2 years. veno and thilak both weren't surprised-dee yelled at me though.and i have to talk to charis because she went thru the whole process. she's so happy now. she's the prototype im modelling myself after cos she had the BALLS *winks*
all of us are starting new chapters in our lives-shawn, darsh, sham, julie, ash, nimmi, maria...some of us have found someone closest to The One. or perhaps we might have found our soulmates-it's written in the stars, as elton and leann sing- and we just don't know.i might come back from uni and marry him.i WANT to haha this is the first guy i want to marry and keep for life!
strangely, when i think about him with someone else, i don't feel the pain. i feel like i always have-like i shouldnt care. (do you know the dude sitting at the front desk dint check my ID.twit.) perhaps the feeling comes from having seen him through all four of his relationships. wonder what monkey will have to say. A LOT. and the whole world will be surprised. but because he doesnt give a fuck about what the world thinks, i don't. oh but if he were with someone else (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) i would grow angrier, moodier and more rebellious by the day. shock everyone, not give a fuck, randomly flirt, ignore sen or crave for him even more to fill up the vacuum-and STILL live in denial.Denial, sirs and madams, is my Best Friend and Sleeping Partner. yeah, you read right. i swear. now the clouds have lifted. i'm so...
completely and totally fulfilled.yet i still feel a nagging doubt. but time will eliminate it.i think of myself in his arms and how crazily alike yet different we are-like he said, our personalities compliment each other. and i didn't say the words first-thats the best part. he did. which seals it. like COMPLETELY haha (word of the decade) we've both been fighting against it forever, and we both make excuses about the past but because i'm me i'm more blunt about my COMPLETE (bingg one more) lack of self-dignity...god i don't want to talk about it...i'm so scared...but i have to.ARGH argh argh choi haha- now why did i think of you-oh its so funny how they're having econs now and i'm coolly skipping it and how there's sunshine just about EVERYWHERE.eunice trust me (i know you'll probably never read this but i'll say it anyway) i think i've found my cloud 9 this time and ive seen him through all his cloud 6es, vice versa, so-STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AAAHHH!!!BYE!
Posted at 12:25 pm by afrokarma
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*what i like*
music-happpiness-confidence-cute men-financial security-my dog-goosh-blogs-togs (haha)-Gothism (?)-chocolate-good company-love-ganesha-my girls-theatre-beauty
*what i dislike*
bitches-superficiality-disintegrating self-esteem-friends who suck the life out of you-when Balls rule the Mind (ahem)-casanovas-insecurity-green peas-pink-zits-my life-my lack of focus
*music (currently lah.very the fickle.)*
muse-incubus-the verve-india arie-john mayer-old hindi classics-norah jones-crunk :)-most jazz-fusion-Celtic-mozart-mendelssohn-debussy-scarlatti-a.r.rahman-broadway-
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